I am going to try blogging again, because everyone knows I can't say anything in two sentences. God gives each of us gifts and while I can think of many gifts I would like to have; the truth is, I was given the gift of expression. For those of you who like to read beyond two sentences, thank you.
Today were many birthday's, my mom's being one of them. Been thinking about her...something she always used to say. When she said this, I would silently roll my eyes and think "Here we go again." Looking back....I realize what she said was truth and rings true even to this day. She said "I may be old, but it doesn't mean I have not seen nor lived life." I liked saying "Things are different." She would let me know, "Not so much." I did not realize it then but do now... when you have life experience underneath you, you do have something to add to those still within their journey. The sad part is, sometimes younger people count you out, just like I did my mom. Maybe part of growing IS learning the hard way. I sure learned the hard way, all too often! Now....I listen with all my heart to those who ahead of me.
One thing I have learned along the way from my relationship with my mother is that, some...not all have had difficult relationships with their moms. I could list a lot of things about where I felt my mom let me down. She was not much of a nurturer, an encourager, and I certainly questioned what I thought love should be and where I felt she lacked. It drove a lot of hurt, bitterness and wasted time in my life. Now that she is gone, I look back and realize she did love me, she loved me all she knew how to. She, too was human, and had her own wounds. My mom loved me by making sure I was given a home, I had food on my plate, and I was clothed. She loved me by giving up things for herself that I might have things. She loved me by making me laugh when I was so mad or sad. She would say "Give me that Hollywood smile" as I pouted and suddenly I would be giggling. She had no problem disagreeing with me, teaching me to trust my own heart as she trusted hers. She shared her faith. She lived her faith. She grew up without a mother, her mommy died when she was 4. She could make a piece of toast for breakfast and eat half, keeping the half and eating it later. She knew the value of not wasting anything having grown up poor.
She hid her own pain, having lost her fist child within two weeks of that baby girl's birth and later on in life losing another child to a senseless murder. I wasted so much time thinking about all I lacked from her, I missed all she had given, I missed loving her. Three months before she died, we came together in a healing blessed way. Letting her go tore my heart apart.
I now have "lived" some life and this is what I say to you whose parents still live. LOVE them; forgive them for being human and no matter how much you think this world is one way, maybe just MAYBE they do know more than you. Maybe they have gotten a lot wrong....but maybe, just maybe they have gotten a lot right as well. Family life is a beautiful chaos. I have seen families decimated for nothing. Fight for restoration.
Happy Birthday again mom
Well said, Anita. It seems to be very easy to judge our parents and condemn them for what we think they are doing wrong before we get older and have walked through some of life experiences they have already experienced. The old saying, "Don't judge till you have walked in their shoes." is so very true.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things I harshly judged my Mom for and thankfully, was able to ask forgiveness the years before she died.
We so need to give grace and mercy to one another. Family's are forever. We can live in love and forgiveness or judgement and condemnation. It is our choice.